“Lo, Lo Bromios…Lo, Lo Dionysos!” – Marianne, via TRUE BLOOD S.2, Ep. 3
Last night, I dreamed of DIONYSOS.
Most will find me stark-raving MAD for this blogpost, because who sees DIONYSOS in a dream about the 2013VMAs; being besties with Jared Leto?
But the more I thought it all day long, the more “I” realized it was HE, waiting for me to feel Him and His Warmth at the tail-end of a dream.
I remember Waking, and Hearing the voices combined in a chant, clear as day: “The DRINKS ARE FREE! THE DRINKS ARE FREE!”
Dearest Bromios, Dearest Bacchus…You called and I Heard. Not only heard, but FELT! You were my lover, you were my friend. In the midst of all this PAIN, you called.
I’ve been unrealistically ASKEW lately; I can’t see myself in the mirror. I’m slipping away to the madness, a place that follows my KITH & KIN like a stalker in the night. My own heart is unknown to me. Via offering; candle burning, food delivered, alcohol spilled and alcohol IMBIBED I’ve called to the GODS. I’ve begged them, to freeze my heart and make it like ICE because I’m afraid. I’m afraid of myself. I’m afraid of the hungers that torment me.
I’ve begged the Gods to love me more than usual, because I cannot give love to myself. All I can feel right now, is the self-inflicted pain I crave. All I can taste, is blood.
…But then, Bacchus appeared. He let me know he’s been holding my hand all along. He let me know he doesn’t judge me, like everyone ELSE I know and love does. Because y’all/they DO.
…I’ve never known unconditional love. I’ve always ever scoffed at the idea. Who the fuck loves unconditionally? Who the FUCK, loves like HIM? Like ME?
I’ve accepted, and always accepted those I love wholeheartedly. But lately, I’ve been empty with no respite.
I realized, similar to Lord Dionysos; I’ve been hurt so very many times that I have little left to give yet I have no choice BUT to keep giving. I’m in that category of “damaged goods.” I’m a leftover; unloved and unwanted (only in my own mind, of course!)
And yet…I got to thinking…”you’re NOT day-old bread, Porsha.” You are not LESSER, and never will be.
You see, the Gods call on those that they need to speak to. Perhaps…because they need to speak to us. And perhaps, because we are their conduit, their portal into this world to send a message to those who have NOT been listening. Then again, perhaps they just want us to feel a touch of what they feel for us, individually.
Or maybe, they’re letting us know it’s time for action, one way or the other! OR maybe they want us to stop focusing on the band-aids, and start focusing on moving forward from ‘Shit-Town’ to ‘One-Step-At-a-Time-Town.’
OR…maybe I’m just drunk and stupid, as usual???
Who really knows these things? And who really cares?!
To the Gods I say, “Just know that I am hearing you and that I’m making moves – FINALLY!”