About The Light.

“You turned everything upside down! And for every aspect of our proposed damnation you found exuberance, and here was no end to your enthusiasms and the passion coming out of you – the light always the light! And in exact proportion to the light coming out of you, there was the darkness in me! Every exuberance of darkness and despair! And then, the magic, when you got the magic; irony of ironies, you protected me from it!” — via Nicholas, from “The Vampire Lestat;” Chapter 6 pg. 232.

There’s been a lot of hustle and bustle that I’ve had both the displeasure and pleasure of watching; regarding the current on-line Pagan community. Through the majors and minors, I’ve watched on-going “blog wars” about Big Name Pagans. I’ve watched folks carrying on via comment sections in just about any big name or small pagan blog about how closed off their particular section of the community is (we section out now?)

I’ve watched just about every single “visible-online” pagan I know try to differentiate, between being a polytheist/monotheist/Pagan/Heathen/Druid/Wiccan/NeoPagan and the lists go on and on. I’ve watched folks carry on about being “Christian-Pagans” or Christian witches or vegetable people and advocates of drug-induced worship OR advocates of abstinence of drugs and sex in worship blah blah McBlahberson. Lastly, let’s not forget all the states (and/or, State) trying to make one religion the religion legally (what? What’d you say about the U.S. Constitution, and Freedom of Religion? What’s that about Quakers’n’such trying to escape religious tyranny by coming to America? What’s that about Henry the VIII taking on Rome over his assumed-Pagan Mistress turned Queen, Anne Bolyn – even if it was all for his own benefit in the end!)

Argue, complain, separate, divide & conquer. It’s all the same, no matter what language you use or what adjective you add. It is All. The SAME. And it’s what I’ve watched for the last 5-6 months in silence, from the quietness of my soft-shelled Scorpio body. It’s what I’ve slithered around to study and try to understand as my year of the Water Snake found itself commenced.

Divide us, and you can easily Conquer Us.

As a Pagan 3.5-4 years in, I can openly and happily admit that I don’t have a clue in hell what I’m talking about 90% of the time. The best advice I’ve received (and trust me, I’ve asked several Big Name Pagans this same question over and over again the last 3 years) is that I need to read the basics and study them thoroughly, in order to come to my own conclusions and connections with the gods. These tried and true leaders of our community whether big or small – let me know that I have to come to my own conclusions, and that my Pantheon can be as big or small as it has to be in order to wrap my soul in the knowledge & salvation that can only be acquired through true devotion. Those I consider the pinnacles — the very “lights” of our community both online and otherwise let me know that it’s going to much discussion, inquiry and study on my end in order to find answer that Christianity could not give me. But what they didn’t tell me is that assholes ABOUNDED from every corner of my sanctum. They didn’t tell me that those assholes (also known as everyone else’s opinions) would damn near smother me, until I lost my zeal for knowledge and connection with my gods & goddesses.

I didn’t realize that these first years can become a test.

The gods went quiet for me during this period. I couldn’t hear a bloody thing. No dreams, no visits, no nothing. I also went quiet for them. No writing, no early morning toilet-bowl pondering; no blogging. All I could think about was how much the bickering was starting to remind me of the Christian church that I had left without a second thought. Hypocrisy, denial, and the loss of creation in the exultation of what you left your moments of worship glowing with – the favor and inspiration of the gods!

Then just like the very first time I was touched by Aset – I was touched next by Dionysus. It was like the fire re-lit itself all over again. I dreamed, just like the first time I encountered Aset and immediately gave up Christianity the very next day. Fire encompassed my body & brain. I loved it again, all of it! The study, the pondering, the immersion; the worship and saint-like moments of epic sin. I loved my Pantheon again for not forgetting me when I seemed to be actively trying to forget it – because it had become too hard.

This is when I realized some hard truths as well. These hard truths are probably going to piss some people off, but I’m not being me if I’m not crushing opposition under my stiletto in the sweetest way possible:

• You can’t be a Christian and a Pagan. You Just. Can’t. Sorry.
• You are all Pagans, unless you’re a Wiccan.
• I shouldn’t snub my nose at Wicca – it brought great minds together in order to fight the good fight for alternative religions.
• Egypt is the Alpha and the Omega; Ta Mera cannot be recreated in a day so stop being so hard on yourself Porsha.
• It’s ok to be darker than light if it balances you out in the long run.
• All opinions are okay – even mine, so stop keeping them to myself.
• Sectioning out is ok – just don’t hide the knowledge from the other sections.
• Sharing IS Caring, Bitches. Stop being so secretive, mothasuckas.
• People will disagree with me. I can’t let that destroy my joy.
• Zeus, Dionysus, Thoth AND Morrigan can all exist in the same Pantheon. Just make sure everybody is getting their “dues and propers.”
• Lastly – It’s ok to offer your stinking drunk devotion, or plain old SEX to some of the gods and goddesses. They get a kick out of it!

That’s all the pondering I’ve got for one day. I’m going back to my TrueBlood maration and Marcus Auerlius meditations – of course, I’ve got more to say on those topics and many others in the very near future – promise!

Until we meet again, Brightest Blessings y’all!
~P

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