the last kiss goodnight. (a short story by Porsha A. Williams)

ShadowSelf2

~a short story revolving around a love letter the heroine never mailed to the object of her affection, who will never know how she truly feels for him~

I cant stop seeing your hands, that day. Strong fingers loosely grasping the steering wheel, as your thick auburn curls went mad from the wind blowing thru them via the cracked window.
the wide-mouthed smile you get, only when i’m around. I hope u know how privledged i feel, how humbled i become knowing i’m one of the few that gets to ever see it.

…i know u dont, though…

The reason i sweat so much in your presence is because you make me so very nervous, and shy…the intensity of your eyes is overwhelming, all the time. Suddenly, i’m no longer 30something, jaded gal. With u, i become that woefully shy, pimple-faced cokebottle-glasses wearing 13yrold girl with the braces and badly applied wet’n’wild lipstick. I cant speak without stuttering awkwardly in your presence.

I want you to love me so badly, i cant breathe sometimes.

Why cant you see me? Don’t you know i’m in love with u? Totally, completely, head-over-heels gone on you? Can’t you see the lie in my eyes, when we laugh about your latest failed date or hookup? Don’t u see the pain written all over my face, as i try to pretend i’m happy about your next girlfriend, or hookup or date?

…dont u know your scent, your taste make me mad with desire? I turn feral, scenting the air like a bitch in heat when you’re around. That smell, of your skin? I could go catatonic for a century, just sitting in a room that was formerly occupied by you.

Can’t you smell me back? My desire for u so uncontrollable that i get wet the moment i’m in your presence…it’s tantric, trying not to let on how much i want your hands on me. It’s why i constantly tremor in your presence…u must think i’m so easy in every way, how freely i give it up to u, knowing that you’ll never call me yours in love, but always in lust.

This is the last night we’ll speak, that was the last time i’ll ever be in your presence. You dont know it yet, but i do. U dont know you’re the reason i packed my bags and left everything behind. U dont know that after we were together that last time, i realized i would never love again; i’m cursed to always ever love You, the one who’ll never love me back.

Miss me when i’m gone, dollface. See the full moon and you’ll get a glimpse of my invisible tears. Like the moon, alone from afar – ‘round you i’ll always orbit…now, and all the rest of my years.

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