firsts.

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i forgot how much fun firsts can be.  firsts on my mind today?  dancing, in particular salsa.

i’ll never forget the first time i salsa’d for real, on the dance floor of my favourite club in college.  a guy many years my senior, but not so much to make it gross saw me salsa dancing by myself in the dark. my favourite place in this club was a dais full of chairs with a walled mirror.  i loved to watch myself and others, uninhibited and free to dance wherever with whomever.  it’s a feeling i havent felt in a LONG Time…
it’s also one that’s so hard  to describe, that feeling that the moment you’re in is absolutely Immortal.  that moment goes on forever, even tho only seconds may have passed.  just moments, mere and few in actuality but infinite in your mind.
i remember him spinning me in circles at that moment, armand van helden’s “spin spin sugar” remix in the background…falling into an ecstacy, pure joy.  no one else could know what i knew at that moment.  the excesses i’d partaken in; booze, smoke, and lack of sleep combined into that moment in a way that i’ve since never felt again.  the entire moment was one of firsts.  like a first kiss, like that line of electricity that flows in a direct line from you to the object of your affection before you ever even speak. you know you dont have to speak at all, just ride the feeling that storms between you.  like the first time you walk on grass dryed out from the summer sun and feel the blades like little needles pricking between your toes…or smell how dry that summer air is as until a summer rain comes and moistens the air…that smell is water and heat and humidity alltogether, until it breaks apart from the first drop of the storm hitting your shoulder icy cold.

firsts can never be recreated.  the ecstacy of a first is never felt again, tho we spend the rest of our lives trying to recreate them.  and so the ‘dance’ that’s life goes on, hopefully never losing the aggressive vehemence of a first time.

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