The Witching Hour

It feels rather friggin awesome, to let all this inner “bile” out, here lately. I’ve been on a *Fast* of sorts, this weekend. A fast of mind, body, and soul. I’ve been purging myself of that which is draining me dry. See, I’m a true believer in the concept of vampirism~and/or “Psychic Vampirism,” for example. A psychic vampire is someone who drains the people of all their energy, using their aura to enter. It’s especially easy for someone that is emotionally *down* or unstable in some sort of way, to be a victim of these attacks. Be they random or pointed, the gist of the action is to take from the other person, to fulfill whatever emptiness or need they have which needs filling.
With practice, I’ve learned to block w/out thinking about it, considering most people who are doing it DON’T know their even doing it, it’s just their personality to be that *draining* to folks around them. Why am I even bringing this subject up? Because it’s a metaphor for what really went on tonight, to make my evening bad and a purging of the soul necessary this weekend. Do I believe in psychic vampires? Absolutely. Do I believe in blood sucking fanged monsters? Nope, not at all. But the topic is the perfect metaphor for what I’ve suffered lately. Maintaining my energy is one of the most important things to me right now, as I devote the majority of it to work, so that my son may have every and Anything he needs. I cannot have people around me who drain what good energy reserves I have up, with their constant barrage of problems, issues, and life crises that have absolutely *nada* to do with me. It literally drains me dry, and I can’t have that. This metaphor of psychic vampirism reflects more often than not, on the subject of my ever-evolving love life. How I wish I could find someone who doesn’t need or want me just for saving them from their own mistakes, and from the inevitable future mistakes that would be coming. Everyday, I feel myself more & more disconnected from the idea of love, because it has been eviscerated by every male that has crossed my path, and spouted his undying love for me. How easy it is, for them to throw around this word that means something so deep to me that I find myself telling my little son how much I love him so often, daily, that I’ve started to consider it a part of my anxietyOCD disorder! Why don’t people realize — male or female — that instead of saying the word and thinking thqt’s enough, that actually proving it thru action/thought/deed, consistently via the respect one has for that person, via their actions in the relationship…? See where I’m going with that? Long story short, “Put up or shuddup!”. You can tell me till ur blue in the face how much u love me~but if your actions, or lack thereof gimme nuthin…Done Dealing.
I’m exhausted just looking at the amount of words I’ve written in this post. Enough talk on love tonight, and this week. It is what it is. The one(s) that love me best have shown it thru their deeds towards me, and on my behalf, thru out the past 6mths. I’m finding myself now ready to give back the way I should’ve been before~as they were to me all along. Time to practice what I preach this week, and with Gusto! Heheheheh
Ciao for Now, Duckies!
~P

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